My name is V Kingsley and I was asked to find Opening Words and to share a little bit about my experience with Non Violent Communication. The words I have chosen are by Prime Minister Nehru who was the first prime minister of the Republic of India, a leader in the political, educational and feminist arenas. He was also the father of Indira Gandhi. He said:

“Peace is not a relationship of nations.

It is a condition of mind brought about by a serenity of soul.

Peace is not merely the absence of war.

It is also a state of mind.

Lasting peace can come only to peaceful people.”

Prime Minister Nehru died the year before I was born but I did not fully understand his words until recently. I grew up with the notion of peace but not the language for it. There were a lot of mixed messages in my childhood. Maybe you got some of them too.

As an example - John Lennon’s musical plea “Give Peace a Chance” (which was an anthem for the anti-war movement ) was released when I was 4 years old. In the same year John Wayne won an Oscar for the movie “True Grit” (which was the epitome of America - a pure Western where a lawman tracks a criminal.)

Growing up, I was drawn to the warm fuzzy philosophy of John Lennon on a global level but I was saddled with the all or nothing language of John Wayne in my own home.

To me – communication is a life or death thing. It has meant survival. As some of you may know, my mother was killed a battered woman and I was determined not to go down. The message was that I had to be fierce. If someone is going to come out on top – well – it had better be me!

Armed with wit and intelligence, I set off to be the best person I could be. I supported all the anti-war causes. I went to the marches on Washington. No guns are allowed in my home. No violent movies or television. I worked with battered women and taught adults how to have fun without getting injured. I was all about non-violence. Unless you didn’t agree with me.

I first heard about Non Violent Communication through my father’s partner in Philadelphia two years ago. Then I heard rumblings of it here in Santa Cruz but wasn’t able or willing to come up with the money for the seminars. Frankly, I figured it was a fly-by-night fad bordering on a cult because of the way I saw people’s eyes light up when they talked about it with such energy and passion. I went to an introduction and was impressed by the simplicity. I thought I had found an easy formula to get people to see things my way.

If I could just communicate it the right way – I could really get somewhere! My marriage was going to get even stronger! I would finally be understood by my father! My parenting would be more effective!

My partner, Dani, and I were both pleasantly surprised to find the all-fellowship retreat last fall centered on NVC practices. As with so many things on my path, Unitarian Universalism and the people I find here help me to see my life more clearly and to live it with conviction.

I saw a powerful shift happen that day at the Land Of the Medicine Buddha. I saw old grievances fall away and I was humbled, realizing that there is no formula for peace in the world and peace in my home. There is only a whole new language to uncover -hidden in our own English language. I realized that NVC is simple but also one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do.

But do it I must. For “peace is not a relationship of nations, it is a condition of the mind.” And all of those bumper stickers saying “Peace Begins with Me” and ”Think Globally, Act Locally” finally mean something even more personal and even more profound because I do not have to wait for anyone else to do anything. All I have to do condition my mind and be aware of my own intentions. All I have to do is learn a new way of listening, a new way of speaking.

Although I find the NVC practice to be - for me – a spiritual journey, I am overjoyed that I do not have to walk it alone. Dani and I are both committed to the process of practicing and blessed to have others in our fellowship who are willing to guide us and practice with us! Together we are learning how to cultivate the “serenity of soul. “ of which Nehru spoke.

It is with profound personal responsibility for my own life and for our world that I share my story.

“Lasting peace can come only to peaceful people.”

I want to be one of those peaceful people.